Grown up

I'm having one of those 'I don't want to be a grown up' days. Do you have them?

I don't want to do the washing; clean the loos; vacuum the floors; make the tea; be responsible; be accountable; deal with the mundane, tedious and downright soul-sappingly dreary jobs that grown ups have to do.

Yes I know it's all part and parcel of having a lovely and happy home, life and family. I understand and accept that, and ordinarily have no problem with it - it's a trade off that I'm more than happy to do.

But some days. 

Some days, I want to...shut myself in my room, listen to my music, chat with friends, lig around on my bed, doodle, scribble in my journal...just be. 

No requirements of me.

No natterings at the back of my head twittering away at me to: not forget to text a friend to see if they're ok; buy salad; do some exercise; consume less sugar; read more; get out in the fresh air; sort the spare room out; reorganise the drawers in the study; wrap that birthday present; arrange to drop off that birthday present; tidy the house before Paul gets home; get my other jobs done before George gets home; remind George to do his homework; rearrange that night out; look at dates to have friends round; do that two hours work/work; get the tea made and eaten before George's dad picks him up at 6; get back on with the Ditsy to dos; put my face on; cheer the heck up; stop feeling like a stroppy teenager; JUST GET ON WITH IT!

I know it will pass. I know there's a (very) good chance it's hormonal. But still. Oh to just lig about on my bed, laying on my belly, reading a magazine with my music on, and not a care in my head.

George's 'domain'

I think it was sitting on George's bed, admiring his domain (as he called it yesterday), and remembering my own domain in my parent's house as a child, that set this all off. 

I just wanted to stay in there, shut the door on the rest of the house/the world, ignore everything that needed doing, and just enjoy the stillness of it.

Sarah
x

Normal 43 year old service will resume shortly :)

Taking the reins

Recently, the urge to draw has been so overwhelming, that it became a little obsessive. I found that it was all I wanted to do, all of the time...I woke up thinking about it, and fell asleep thinking about it. Now I'm all for a good flow of mojo, and an abundance of ideas, but when it starts to make you a bit twitchy and twisty, it needs to calm down.

Do you ever get that? You're so completely into whatever it is your doing - be it drawing, painting, crocheting, a good book, a Spring clean, decorating - that real life interfering with it makes you grumpy? (Think snarly dog with a big juicy bone...move away from the bone!) I'm sure most of us have had it at some point, and it brings out the stroppy toddler in me...I don't WANT to make dinner, clean up, do the washing, spend time with my family, because I WANT TO DRAW. Teddy out of the pram, and thank you very much. Ha ha!

Well, thankfully the obsessive period seems to have passed, and I'm now back into a gentle creative flow...which is so much easier to balance with everything else, and much easier on those I live with. And the guilt is gone. That guilt you get when you're doing your thing, but know you should be spending time with others. Hmm, cue more twisty twitchy witchiness.

Finding the balance is something I struggle with a lot. I'm either manically making or pretty much doing naff all! There doesn't seem to be a middle ground, no happy plateau of creating, just great big peaks and troughs.

pertinent doodle!

I'm working at managing this, at creating a steady flow of Ditsy Bird activity, at being consistent. I have to say it's hard! It clearly isn't a natural thing for me, or at least not with my own creativity. I don't have a problem with it at my office job. There, if I have work to do, I get on with with it at a steady and consistent momentum, until the task is completed...it's how I have always worked for someone else. Methodical, paced, accurate (generally), and reliable.

Translating that away from the black and white land of numbers and spreadsheets, into the rainbow land of imagination, mojo and creative urges, is something I am very keen to do.

My word for the year is DRIVE: 
*I want to drive my life forward, in the direction of my goals and dreams - not tread water as I have done for too many years now.
*I want the drive to do this.

There seems little point in having plans, designs and ideas coming out of my backside, if I haven't the oomph/desire/focus or courage to put them into practice. I need to take action, to be active, to actively pursue my dreams and work towards my goals.

So I am taking hold of the reins this year, and not letting go.

sketchbook thoughts on the word DRIVE

A part of this is tackling my ingrained, creative mentality - rather than waiting for the creative urge to strike, I am working on maintaining a creative flow by creating constantly - doodling and drawing every day, as opposed to just doing it when to mood strikes.

I am also trying to create consistently...in the character, quality, and effort of my designs...to cultivate a cohesive look and feel to my work, to further develop my own style.

My thinking is that, by following the constant and consistent path, I will even out the creative peaks and troughs a little, enabling a steady flow of ideas and designs to come out over the year.

I have a friend (a very good friend who I admire enormously for her drive and determination) who has a very full and happy life - what that girl can do in a week blows my mind. If she is a cheetah, I am Queen Sloth. Truthfully.

Whenever I see what she can achieve, I am always reminded of the "the more you do, the more you can do" philosophy. Obviously, if you do too much you'll burn out, *poof*, so there is a limit it to it, but that's a lot of doing to be done before the burn out stage is reached.

Setting goals, and hitting them; writing to do lists, and ticking them off; setting yourself challenges, and rising to them, gives you the burn and desire to do more - it also gives you the huge satisfaction of your achievements, and shows you the potential of what can be achieved.

I am my own cheerleader :)

I need a taste of that. I need to be brave. I need to see what I can achieve.

Most importantly, I need to do this for me. I need to not feel like I'm letting myself down, or that I'm wasting my talents. I need to see that I'm reaching my potential.

I want to know that I'm setting a great example to my son - if you want something, work for it! Put the effort and time into it, and you'll reap the rewards. If you put nothing in, well then, there'll be nothing to show for it. I need him to see it rather than rely on the old adage of "do as I say, not as I do".

I want to reach a point where I look back and go "yup, I did that", not "whoops, another year gone and bog all to show for it".

Ooh there is lots more on this subject that I want to talk about, but I think I'll leave it here for today, and revisit it another time.

So, do you have any tricks or tips, or go to resources to help you to be brave, to aim for the stars, to stay consistent?

Sarah
x

Feeling the love

Breakfast, chats and giggles with my bestie

Mum & Godmum popping in for a brew and a natter

My cousin sending me a Pinterest board entitled Papír

A wonderfully thoughtful comment on my last blog post

...happy

I hope you're feeling some love today

S

x

 

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Nudges from my psyche

Morning!

For a few weeks now, I've been dreaming about babies...from being given white kittens which, when fed and cuddled, each turned into a beautiful baby girl, to last night where I had two baby boys, both happy and gorgeous and I had to look after and nurture them.

This has happened a few times over the course of my forty three years, and usually occurs when I'm creatively dry. It could be that circumstances are restricting my creative time, or that I am mojo free. This time it's a little different.

There are things going on in life that are making me question things. Most things. Pretty much everything. You know when there's something BIG that makes everything else seem so small and inconsequential? That.

I love to draw. I love to make and paint and stick, and just create - be it art or cooking, there are creative opportunities abounding on a daily basis.

Recently my creativity had been tethered. Tied up, restricted, halted. By me.

I've had this underlying feeling that my drawing is so completely inconsequential that I've simply stopped, unable to get started again. There have been a couple of jumps starts, but inevitably the creative engine has stalled again.

Every time the seed of a creative urge has started to grow, there's this little voice in my head that quietly asks "what's the point?".

I was talking to my mum yesterday about it all and her answer was, that I love to draw and it's who I am, and it makes me happy. Agreed. Wholeheartedly. But isn't that just self indulgence? Well, yes I suppose it is to some extent...I draw because I enjoy it. But I also know that other people enjoy the things I draw and paint and sell so does that counter balance some of the self indulgent inconsequentiality of it?

Bit deep for me. Bit deep for a Monday morning!

So back to the dreams. Babies tend to signify new life, ideas, CREATIVITY.

I think my soul is quietly screaming at me to start drawing, making, painting, creating again.

This morning I'm watching the first video for an online art workshop in a bid to get the engine running smoothly again, get the babies out of my dreams*, and to forget about issues of inconsequentiality and the such and just enjoy the process.

How do you 'un-stall' your creativity?

Sarah
x

*frankly white kittens turning into pink, naked, baby girls was a bit trippy, even for my dreams!

Act

Hello! I have been a bit lapse on here of late, as is my wont.

This is something I really need to work on, and it fits in perfectly with my word for 2014 of ACT.

Thinking, planning and discussing is all well and good, but I need to start ACTing on my thoughts and plans.

With a bit of willpower, you should be seeing more of me and my goings on here in the near future!

x

Looking on the bright side

Morning!

George was sick at school yesterday so, after a 33 mile journey and typing one email, I got a phone call at work to go and collect him from school and take him home. Heck of a round trip for 10 minutes work! But hey, let's look on the bright side...

I had George home with me, snuggled up on the sofa in movie, iPod and Bionicle heaven.

I could ping the wheat bag for his sore tummy whenever required.

I got to eat lunch* with him on a Wednesday (only reserved for holidays usually).

I got lots of cuddles over the course of the day.

Thanks to having a laptop and connectivity to the company network, I got to work in the comfort of my own home, in my jeans, supping tea out of my fave mug.

No commute home after a day of work. I simply switched the laptop off and went downstairs to my boy.

This morning I got a lie in.

I'm eating a leisurely brekkie before commuting upstairs to my laptop.

George is feeling much better.

I get to type this mini post.

No dashing off at 4:50pm tonight to beat the traffic, to get to club in time to pick George up.

George doesn't have to go to club (big win in his book).

Oh, and I got to do a quick pedicure before starting work.

Can looking on the bright side help you today?

Have a good one!

x

*oh yeah...no more sick but a voracious appetite and a sore tum.

Hey ho, at least he didn't vomit all day <- that s me looking on the bright side again! :)

 

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Hello Monday

Good morning and happy new week!

Today started misty up North...I like mist, it adds an air of the magical to an otherwise ordinary day.

So the beds are stripped, the washer is on, breakfast has been had and George has been safely delivered to school. What's new for today then?

Well, I have decided to try and improve my skin and am using a new to me facial product...Elemis Papaya Enzyme Peel. Lovely to apply and my skin felt smooth and clean afterwards - I'll let you know how I go on with it over time.

Then it was on to searching for a replacement for my usual spray sealant as I can no longer find a supplier for it...boo hoo. It looks like the local DIY store might be my best option!

And now? Now the audiobook is on and I'm about to gesso up some wooden dangly hearts ready for inking before taking Mum to the docs later on.

Not hugely exciting but this is my Ditsy Bird life :)

 

Have a good day

x

 

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