Grown up

I'm having one of those 'I don't want to be a grown up' days. Do you have them?

I don't want to do the washing; clean the loos; vacuum the floors; make the tea; be responsible; be accountable; deal with the mundane, tedious and downright soul-sappingly dreary jobs that grown ups have to do.

Yes I know it's all part and parcel of having a lovely and happy home, life and family. I understand and accept that, and ordinarily have no problem with it - it's a trade off that I'm more than happy to do.

But some days. 

Some days, I want to...shut myself in my room, listen to my music, chat with friends, lig around on my bed, doodle, scribble in my journal...just be. 

No requirements of me.

No natterings at the back of my head twittering away at me to: not forget to text a friend to see if they're ok; buy salad; do some exercise; consume less sugar; read more; get out in the fresh air; sort the spare room out; reorganise the drawers in the study; wrap that birthday present; arrange to drop off that birthday present; tidy the house before Paul gets home; get my other jobs done before George gets home; remind George to do his homework; rearrange that night out; look at dates to have friends round; do that two hours work/work; get the tea made and eaten before George's dad picks him up at 6; get back on with the Ditsy to dos; put my face on; cheer the heck up; stop feeling like a stroppy teenager; JUST GET ON WITH IT!

I know it will pass. I know there's a (very) good chance it's hormonal. But still. Oh to just lig about on my bed, laying on my belly, reading a magazine with my music on, and not a care in my head.

George's 'domain'

I think it was sitting on George's bed, admiring his domain (as he called it yesterday), and remembering my own domain in my parent's house as a child, that set this all off. 

I just wanted to stay in there, shut the door on the rest of the house/the world, ignore everything that needed doing, and just enjoy the stillness of it.

Sarah
x

Normal 43 year old service will resume shortly :)

Taking the reins

Recently, the urge to draw has been so overwhelming, that it became a little obsessive. I found that it was all I wanted to do, all of the time...I woke up thinking about it, and fell asleep thinking about it. Now I'm all for a good flow of mojo, and an abundance of ideas, but when it starts to make you a bit twitchy and twisty, it needs to calm down.

Do you ever get that? You're so completely into whatever it is your doing - be it drawing, painting, crocheting, a good book, a Spring clean, decorating - that real life interfering with it makes you grumpy? (Think snarly dog with a big juicy bone...move away from the bone!) I'm sure most of us have had it at some point, and it brings out the stroppy toddler in me...I don't WANT to make dinner, clean up, do the washing, spend time with my family, because I WANT TO DRAW. Teddy out of the pram, and thank you very much. Ha ha!

Well, thankfully the obsessive period seems to have passed, and I'm now back into a gentle creative flow...which is so much easier to balance with everything else, and much easier on those I live with. And the guilt is gone. That guilt you get when you're doing your thing, but know you should be spending time with others. Hmm, cue more twisty twitchy witchiness.

Finding the balance is something I struggle with a lot. I'm either manically making or pretty much doing naff all! There doesn't seem to be a middle ground, no happy plateau of creating, just great big peaks and troughs.

pertinent doodle!

I'm working at managing this, at creating a steady flow of Ditsy Bird activity, at being consistent. I have to say it's hard! It clearly isn't a natural thing for me, or at least not with my own creativity. I don't have a problem with it at my office job. There, if I have work to do, I get on with with it at a steady and consistent momentum, until the task is completed...it's how I have always worked for someone else. Methodical, paced, accurate (generally), and reliable.

Translating that away from the black and white land of numbers and spreadsheets, into the rainbow land of imagination, mojo and creative urges, is something I am very keen to do.

My word for the year is DRIVE: 
*I want to drive my life forward, in the direction of my goals and dreams - not tread water as I have done for too many years now.
*I want the drive to do this.

There seems little point in having plans, designs and ideas coming out of my backside, if I haven't the oomph/desire/focus or courage to put them into practice. I need to take action, to be active, to actively pursue my dreams and work towards my goals.

So I am taking hold of the reins this year, and not letting go.

sketchbook thoughts on the word DRIVE

A part of this is tackling my ingrained, creative mentality - rather than waiting for the creative urge to strike, I am working on maintaining a creative flow by creating constantly - doodling and drawing every day, as opposed to just doing it when to mood strikes.

I am also trying to create consistently...in the character, quality, and effort of my designs...to cultivate a cohesive look and feel to my work, to further develop my own style.

My thinking is that, by following the constant and consistent path, I will even out the creative peaks and troughs a little, enabling a steady flow of ideas and designs to come out over the year.

I have a friend (a very good friend who I admire enormously for her drive and determination) who has a very full and happy life - what that girl can do in a week blows my mind. If she is a cheetah, I am Queen Sloth. Truthfully.

Whenever I see what she can achieve, I am always reminded of the "the more you do, the more you can do" philosophy. Obviously, if you do too much you'll burn out, *poof*, so there is a limit it to it, but that's a lot of doing to be done before the burn out stage is reached.

Setting goals, and hitting them; writing to do lists, and ticking them off; setting yourself challenges, and rising to them, gives you the burn and desire to do more - it also gives you the huge satisfaction of your achievements, and shows you the potential of what can be achieved.

I am my own cheerleader :)

I need a taste of that. I need to be brave. I need to see what I can achieve.

Most importantly, I need to do this for me. I need to not feel like I'm letting myself down, or that I'm wasting my talents. I need to see that I'm reaching my potential.

I want to know that I'm setting a great example to my son - if you want something, work for it! Put the effort and time into it, and you'll reap the rewards. If you put nothing in, well then, there'll be nothing to show for it. I need him to see it rather than rely on the old adage of "do as I say, not as I do".

I want to reach a point where I look back and go "yup, I did that", not "whoops, another year gone and bog all to show for it".

Ooh there is lots more on this subject that I want to talk about, but I think I'll leave it here for today, and revisit it another time.

So, do you have any tricks or tips, or go to resources to help you to be brave, to aim for the stars, to stay consistent?

Sarah
x